Does a change of schedule sometimes disrupt your walk with the Lord?
My days usually have a simple, quiet pattern to them. Recently they made a turn, and I lost my footing for a few days. In my wandering, I decided to sift through and organize some of my journal entries.
I came upon this one written on March 29, 2020. And in reading it what I’d written to the Lord, I found my way back.
-----
I woke in the quiet of my recliner at Willamette Oaks Retirement Center, Mom still sleeping, the river gently moving, the tall trees still in the windless morning. And I ask You for some stillness in my own life. When do I find a quiet place in the midst of sharing life in this 2-room apartment with my precious Mom?
“Now,” You whisper. I creep into her bedroom and reach for the Bible on her nightstand. I craved words, Holy Words, not sifted through another but straight from You. I turned to Psalm 27.
The one thing I want from God, the thing I seek most of all, is the privilege of meditating in His temple, living in His presence every day of my life, delighting in His incomparable perfection and glory. There I’ll be when troubles come…. My heart has heard You say, ‘Come and talk with Me, oh my people.’ And my heart responds, ‘Lord, I’m coming.’”
Other teachers are good, important gifts in my life, especially authors who feed me deep truth slowly, but it is YOUR WORD I need to feed my soul.
I’d been staying with my Mom for months as she recovered from a fall when covid began. We’d begun to talk about her future needs and the possibility of us living together. I read on…
And this morning I realize this… whatever I do, wherever I am, I MUST make space to meet You! I’ve taught it to busy, working women and I’ve taught it to exhausted young mothers. And this morning You taught it to me: wherever I call home must include some time and some space to come and talk to You, to meditate as I live in Your presence.
The balcony view at Willamette Oaks is spectacular, and I’d do anything to help Mom, but I MUST find space to be alone with You. In the crisis of covid-19 and the required quarantine in our rooms, I need to elevate my soul’s need to be with You above all else – some time, some place – every day. It’s a luxury I’ve found so easy in recent years at my beautiful Riverwalk home. Now it is an effort, but an effort with great rewards and one I need to protect. Not a selfish “right,” but wise living.
A lone goose flies by reminding me of the birds I watch from my 4th floor loft. Birds remind me of Your Presence in my life.
Thank You for filling my soul this morning. Thank You for drawing me close, for reminding me that whatever joy I find in serving and loving Mom is sustainable only when I seek You first.
I’ve been wandering the past few days – distracted by, well, life. Reading this dialogue with God set my path straight again.
Whatever joy I find in serving others is sustainable only when I seek God first.
The reminder to seek God first is so basic to our walk of faith. You wouldn’t think I’d need the reminder. But I did. A dialogue I’d had with Jesus last year refocused my wandering.
Sitting Still
For me, remembering is one more reason to journal. Do you have a way to remember lessons from the past?
Thank you for joining me in this very personal confession. To admit I needed to be reminded to “sit still,” instead of wandering was a necessary humbling for me today.